Are you a winner or a loser? Do you win some or lose some? What does that mean anyway? And is winning or losing the driving force in our lives? Are you driven by your competitive edge? For some people winning at something is the most important thing in their life. People into sports spend all their time in the quest for winning their best scores. Lawyers spend their time trying to win every law suit. Even evangelists or religious leaders spend their time trying to get more people to follow their beliefs.

What do you do if you are the one known for loosing all the time? What if you are a winner who lost a lot? For example, Jim Kelly of the Buffalo Bills was the Quarterback for 12 long years and his number 12 won more than 100 games. He was so loved that the ills retired his number so that it will always be associated with him. Starting in 1990 he did more than any other quarterback had done in history ever. He led his team to 4 Superbowls 4 years in a row. That makes him the whinniest winner ever right?

The Bills lost the 1991, 1992, 1993 and the 1994 Superbowl 4 years in a row. That all of a sudden makes them the loosest looser. In football and in life whenever we loose we try to be stoic. We console ourselves with brave thoughts about lessons learned and how we played the game because as the saying goes, winning isn’t everything. But then, winning is probably the single most important thing in shaping people’s lives. Psychology Professor Ian Robertson of Trinity College in Dublin has studied winning and what it can mean to someone.

All species have hierarchies and your position in that hierarchies will determine your health, your mental function your status and wealth. In his book called The Winner Effect he decides that the reason winning is so much fun is because it is a chemical part of your body. It feels good. Men love to win because it increases testosterone which in turn increases the chemical messinger dopamine and creates joy.

So, do winners live longer? Yes , the Nobel Prize winners out live nominees by 2 years. Baseball players who make it into the Hall of Fame live longer by 2 years than players that were turned away. In Hollywood Academy Award winners live on average 4 years longer than other actors. There often can be a very fine line between winning and losing.

Just look at photos of the athletes in any Olympics. Look at their facial expressions. In every photo the gold medal winner looks great, the silver medalist looks crushed and the bronze medalist winner looks glazed over. Why does coming in second look so defeated? There is no shame in silver unless you are still fixated on gold. We all hate coming up short since no one wants to be second in line especially if they are so close to being number one.

The only way you can win at anything or any amount of money won in a law suit is if you have attainable goals. Argue for things that are within your control a reasonable amount that can actually be agreeable to all. Society and our culture is all about winning not usually simply about the journey.

Jim Kelly says that he rather loose 4 big Superbowls than win just one game because any team can win just one but he and the Bills are unique in that they were good enough 4 years in a row to be able to compete for the title each year. He has learned to live with his losses. A recent poll came up with your answers.

Which is more important? 86% said playing well is to only 11% saying winning is more important.

If someone wants to sue you just defend yourself as best you can and don’t be afraid to counter sue for your discomfort in the situation as well then you are all winners and can go on with your lives vowing never to make that mistake again.