Sunday, September 16, 2012

Everyone is out ordering their new I-5 I Phone from Apple this week, if you haven’t already gotten one yet. The company said that they will still continue their practice of having the phones that everyone wants worldwide to be manufactured by people with tiny hands like children in China. However, American workers must get at least as much paid vacation as the Chinese slaves who make your I Phones.
Did you know that 138 countries around the world mandate their vacation time by law? The next time I sit through opening ceremonies at the Olympics where people march into the arena and the commentator tells you something about that country like their population I also want to know how much vacation time off the people of that region receives by law from their government. One of those 138 places is not the republic of here.
In England you get 28 paid vacation days a year. Ok, so you spend the month standing in the rain most of the time but you at least just can stand in the rain and not have to do anything else if you don’t want to.
In Switzerland you get 20 paid vacation days a year. You can ski up and down a different mountain every day if you want to.
In Sweden you get 25 paid vacation days a year. They spend their time off visiting America. You see them at every tourist attraction here always looking up analyzing all they can see.
However, in Greece it seems you get infinity. Those people in Mykonos party 24/7 and could care less that the country doesn’t have any money to even borrow anymore.
Now that our vacation time is over and all our nation’s children have settled into knowing who their teacher’s names are, let us take a minute to reflect on how lazy a nation we are that we have the heated automobile seat that my wife loves that also has a lower back heater in the seat and it warms you instantly with the push of a button. Why do we have that feature in our cars? Well, because who has the energy in America to have body heat come out of their ass.
But, yet we are the only country it seems that never gets a day off. People are struggling to keep their small businesses aloft by working even longer hours and more days than less just to break even at times. Something I’ve noticed when I visited our National Parks is that everyone there is foreign. German, Japanese or Canadian people are there because they have the time to go to our parks and we don’t.
Our government requires zero paid vacation days for it’s citizens. I don’t remember voting on that rule. Is that in the constitution? In France they get a minimum of 30 days off which is why French men always look like they have just been blown strutting about smoking their cigarettes holding it in the strangest way.
Even tiny war torn Sri Lanka gets 28 paid vacation days. Doesn’t Americans deserve a shot at the Sri Lanken dream? China gets 10 days paid vacation from making the world’s electronics while a soldier pokes them in the back with a bayonet while screaming faster faster! They treat its workers to more time off than we do.
Did you go to Europe this summer? And look around in the city around lunch time and wonder where the hell did all the people leave to? Sorry, Americans, it is siesta time. So, excuse me while our entire nation has sex in the afternoon. Americans look at them and think it is weird while we are the weird ones. They have the right idea. Even the British stop everything for their tea and sandwiches in the late afternoon.
The Declaration of Independence says, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness; not work, consumerism and the pursuit of profits for Mitt Romney’s investors. I agree with Bill Mahar when he says, If we are the greatest most exceptional country in the world, why aren’t we having sex in the afternoon? Because that is not how we roll even though we are in the correct shape for rolling.
Now most Americans get two weeks vacation unpaid which they often don’t even take because they are afraid that their job won’t be there when they return. Our politicians especially during election time love to brag that Americans are the hardest workers in the world. Yes, because they are too scared to take off any time from work. You do not want to seem less valuable to your boss especially when if you loose your job you also loose your health care.
Then you won’t be able to get the Prozac that helps you to forget how depressed you are about having no free time. Having to cram an entire year’s worth of relaxing into 2 weeks is more stressful than the stupid job. You might as well stay home and park your ass into the baby pool and get drunk.
So, is it time for Americans to get mandatory vacation time? The type of things Unions used to fight for on the job? Where workers used to unite and fight back for their rights? No, the unions don’t exist anymore. The big corporate leader politicians got you believing that unions are bad for people. See ya at work tomorrow.

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