Saturday, January 14, 2012

The printed page is almost gone. The internet can be found on all kinds of devices and the newspapers and the magazines have moved there too. Hidden unless you take the effort to type in a particular paper or magazine. The newspaper stand is gone too. I miss it. Rushing off somewhere and glancing at the headlines were interesting and if a subject or intriguing picture pulled you in, you bought the paper or magazine even if it was only a keep you busy thing for the ride.
Is the printed word really doomed? My friend Diane bought herself a Kindle recently and is having fun with it but she still misses turning the corner of the page down to keep her place in a book. I miss the magazines. Those glossy pages with the handsome and the beautiful tucked in less than a half inch of fantasy and whatever. The cologne on the little pull outs help if you are in a crunch to smell good again. Yes I confess, I do open the flaps and wipe the fragrance on my neck.
The only place you really find magazines are at your Doctor’s waiting room and who wants to touch those? All I can think of is that incurable contagious disease just sneezed on the page I’m reading with all my fingers on the juicy sticky substance stuck to the word I’m trying to figure out. Yuck!
As you wait to hear your name to be called even though you arrived precisely on time, you can’t resist the variety of magazines that are still being published. Time, Newsweek, Esquire, US Weekly, Budget Travel, Rolling Stone, and of course the Costco Connection. Yes, we need a magazine to tell us about the giant box of cereal we’ve been staring at for the past three months and haven’t finished yet. Yuck again!
Yet, in spite of a crumbling print industry there are still magazines being published on topics I never even heard of. We all need to read stuff like Backyard Poultry, Apron logy, Juggle and Fashion Doll Quarterly. But Modern Bride went out of business. I thought Bride magazines were big business! Somehow Varmint Hunter is still going strong and has no problem sending America what it needs to know.
There are many more magazines still being printed for your reading pleasure. Magazines like Witches & Pagans, Poets & Writers, and Lubes & Greases are still going strong maybe because of the & thing. You are getting two subjects in one magazine. Maybe that is where Modern Bride went wrong. They could have survived if the magazine was called Modern Bride & Old Widow. Yuck, Yuck, Yuckie!
We need the unusual subject Magazines because where else would we learn about something we know very little about? Magazines that are still being published like Culture. It does not inform you of Cultural events like I assumed, it is the Magazine for Cheese. The best part is that every issue includes a centerfold. Yeah babe! The wide glossy shot of a wheel of cheese all across 2 pages. Now we’re talkin! Enough with the Yucks!
There is Babycouture for baby fashionistas. New You the magazine for plastic surgery. Or the shittiest magazine called Manure. A magazine that is quite literally full of crap! The ultimate in Yucky!!!! However, Crappie Magazine is about a type of fish.
The ultimate in worst magazine is if you get the mail and find out your spouse has subscribed to Divorce Magazine ! OUCH That one will hurt someone. It is still better than finding they subscribed to Serial Killer Magazine The Tales of Murder and Madness.
The delays of flights to anywhere in the world has been a boost to the magazine industry so much that I think they are partners. Walking in circles waiting for your flight to be called is always a sure trip to the Airport rip off shop I mean gift shop where you can spend easily 30 bucks on magazines alone. You will find unusual ones there though. In Japan a BLT is not a sandwich it is the title of a magazine called Beautiful Lady & Television.
People say the digital revolution is killing magazines although Vogue has every page from every magazine on line for you to view. Who knows maybe one day soon we will all be reading Western Shooting horse on our IPads. And Diane will find a way to digitally turn down the page to let her know where she left off.

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