America’s introduction to porn is their Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Issue. Every tween is grateful and eager to see and try out the explicit poses pool side and on the beach this summer. This is a publication that is delivered to your home year after year and accepted by all society; after all it is a good all American sports publication. However, we know the only real reason we buy these shiny pages is for their once a year Swimsuit issue that always promises to deliver hot beautiful women barely wearing suits and guaranteed to get you hot. This issue has nothing to do with sports and the women posing probably never played sports in their life.

Sports Illustrated is a weekly publication that makes more money in the one week that the boob issue is delivered than they make on any issue throughout the year. Yes, sex sells even in a sports magazine. This year Russian model Irina Shayk has the honor of being on the cover. You got it last week and you haven’t seen your 14 year old at all. It begins on your coffee table and ends up in the bathroom with its pages looking like it had a shower. I could only hope that is what happened to the rag.

This iconic publication released its first swimsuit issue in 1964 to the delight of sports enthusiasts ever since. In this day that everyone gets their news on a screen somewhere and fabulous magazines like Look and Life cease to exist, with many newspapers also disappearing, this issue keeps Sports Illustrated in business to the delight of young boys everywhere. It’s like Playboy 101 in the education of sexual development.

Having the honor of being on the cover of this issue can be an important rite of passage to a young model’s career. Now famous women Brooklyn Decker, Heidi Klum and Tyra Banks have all been featured on the cover long before they have gotten very rich and very famous. It is symbolic that America is not prejudiced towards anyone. We have offered the hot barely nude peace prize of the cover of this publication to the Russians. This is what the American dream is all about. This is why Ronald Regan said to the Communist world “Tear Down That Wall” in Berlin so that Russian beauties can grace the covers of our magazines.