Sunday, March 13, 2011

Times have changed. When you think of the “cheater” in a marriage traditionally you assumed the husband left her. Not anymore. Wives are cheating and leaving their husbands. 4 out of 10 woman surveyed said they physically cheated on their husbands and among the faithful women, a majority of the women said they seriously considered divorce in the past year. That is 39% of women cheating according to M. Gary Newman author of” Connect to Love the Key to Transforming Your Relationship.”
There has been a focus on the double standard that men are the cheaters. 69% of the cheating wives have yet to tell their husbands of their out of the marriage relationships. However, Newman found that women who stay faithful to their husbands have twice as much sex as cheaters. Happy wives have sex an average of 10 times a month vs. unhappy wives have sex with their spouses about 4 times a month. When a woman is very much emotionally connected, she very much wants to have sex. When a husband complains that his wife does not want to have sex; it is not because she doesn’t want to have sex. She just doesn’t want to have sex with him anymore!
The names associated with the woman are harsh. The woman of a cheating husband is called the Mistress. The cheating wife is called a Whore. Lots of women could be considered whores. We don’t even have an accurate name for a cheating wife. They never existed before enough to label. Besides, most women are still faithful. A woman will stay married for 15 years and then stay with the new guy another 15 years and still morn the loss of the friends and relatives of the first relationship.
Women cheaters talk less to their spouses than non-cheaters. They tend to be more secretive. They are considered to be sluts. When the man cheats, its almost expected as the reasons for problems in a marriage. Women will go from one serious relationship to another. They do not have many affairs. Women form friendships with men that grow into a new loving, caring, ongoing love. The one night stands are still the men’s spontaneous fling. Women will find someone new at work or someone they share a hobby with and bump into often. Men will seek a stranger and move quickly to captivate a new conquest.
The emotional breakdown of many unhappy years propel women these days to not be faithful anymore. The songs “Stand By Your Man” has been replaced by “You’re No Good, You’re No Good, Baby, You’re No Good.” Women are fed up with lack of time and lack of dedication spent together. Lack of communication is so important to a woman. Women cheaters talk less to their spouses than non-cheaters. The happiest of women talk about 30 uninterrupted minutes to their husbands per day. Some of the loneliest women are married but they do not realize this until the communication stops between their spouses.
Like anything you want to get out of, you don’t care eventually if the truth gets out. Even with a unhappy job you will tell someone or slow down productivity at your job until you physically leave that place. We cannot call people who cheat bad people especially now when so many people cheat. To save a marriage Neuman says, “You must go out on date nights and talk about anything but money, work and kids and you will have fun together again.” Who has the time or desire. Someone new is more intriguing. Now, the grass isn’t greener with someone else it can just be a different shade of green.

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