Call it Dancing With The Sideshow Act! What happened this season to this show? Of course I am talking about Season 13 of Dancing With The Stars and the highly unusual cast of the 12 new “celebrity” contestants as the producers like to describe this eclectic group of individuals. Yes, I call this freak show individuals because you have a weird group of people competing for a mirror ball!
The stand outs are three guys, the nameless, the dickless and the earless. Yes, that was a mean comment but it is also mean to me that I have to see a great basketball player who already got voted off the show tonight known as Ron Artest but insisted on being called Meta World Peace. He was guilty of simply doing the typical black rythematic moves that come naturally to all black people. It was confusing that he had dyed blond hair and beard reminiscent of Dennis Rodman another colorful basketball player. The best part is when he placed his hand near the host Tom Bergeron’s head and covered it completely.
The dickless is of course Chaz Bono who looks like the bearded lady at the circus. All right they don’t have the freaks at the circus anymore but they are on this show. Now, this thing was the cutest little girl on the Sony and Cher show back in the 70’s. It never pursued a career in the entertainment field like so many children of celebrities do. We haven’t seen or heard of this self mutilating thing for 35 years. Hardly a star! She cut off her breasts, gained way too much weight as if that is what a man should look like and still has a vagina in her pants. The thing can’t dance either. It looks like Mr. Potato Head with flailing arms and legs. No one ever mentions her/his health issues from being so fat. The saddest thing is that Chaz otherwise known as Chasity Bono was the daughter that Cher misses. At age 60 something she has to hold onto the memory of her beautiful daughter who has taken hormones that change her voice. Cher is still so sexy and misses her now dead daughter. But she has Chaz now.
The earless is a guy J.R. Martinez who is an Iraq war veteran who was a handsome brave guy that had his face and ear destroyed from severe burns to more than 40 % of his body due to a landmine that exploded while he was driving a Humvee for the U.S. Army. He is a brave guy in that he then pursued and landed an acting career by getting a principal role on the soap All My Children on ABC. The poor guy sustained his injuries at age 19, went through 33 different surgeries including skin grafts and cosmetic surgery. He lost one of his ears so the camera men show close-ups of the hole in his head where a ear should be. He is such a nice guy that he jokes that he is looking for his ear on the floor. So sad. So exploited. A fine man who should be the poster boy for no more wars. Hand out tranquilizing guns like what they use on elephants, have all the angry sleep awhile and then get on with your productive lives. No more senseless wars mutilating people.
Then there are some notable women. No, I am not talking about the highly feminine Carson Kressley who dances like a chicken that just had his head cut off. The problem is that his head is still on. He is already flirting with the other male dancers. Just put him in a strapless dress and let him loose. This guy cannot dance or act like a guy. What exactly is he talented for? Being gay? Ok we got it!
The most ridiculous “star” is this fairly attractive Italian Elisabetta Canalis who is not known in this country for anything other than F--king George Clooney for about five years. He won’t marry her either. She hasn’t got thrown off the show yet.
I can go on and on ok that Nancy Grace is a live Miss Piggy and I am sorry for insulting the puppet. Yes, the puppet has more personality and dance moves than her. Her star power is that she is known to pick on red-neck inter breading criminals on her cable talk show. She spends most of her time making fun of her dancing partner’s heavy irish accent. Soo crude!
The biggest tragedy of this show is the lack of professional American male dancers. Are they all gay and have died of Aids? Where are our home grown talented dancers? All the professional dancers in this competition have names like Trebunskaya, Chmerkovskly, Smirnoff and Murgatroyd. Did they check these people out for green cards?
This season is a train wreck that I am sure to watch each and every 2 or 3 hour dragged out episode. They even spent lots of money on the ballroom that now is three stories high looking much like a European opera house. Hopefully, someday this show can attract really talented stars to participate in their cha.cha,cha’s instead of has-beens looking for something to jump start their somewhat careers.